Volpina, the Accidental Matchmaker
by lord Martiya
Summary: Two of Lila's fundamental character traits are her ability to tell any lie with a straight face and a terrifying temper. She can usually keep them in check, but sometimes she tells too many lies, or just gets too angry not to do something stupid...


Lila Rossi was many things, and had goals. One such goal was getting together with Adrien Agreste, even in the face of him knowing about her lie about Ladybug. One could not say she was a coward. That was why she was trying to convince him to go to an outing, even tolerating Chloe Burgeois' presence. Then he proposed something that just left her surprised enough to get under her facade: to stave off the potential fight he proposed to include one of his friends-Marinette Dupain-Cheng. The girl most obviously crushing on him without being a creep. And the idea clearly was to avoid romantic complications.

" _Ho una cotta per un cretino..._ " the Italian girl said while she massaged her forehead.

"He's just poor with social interactions, his parents kept him practically segregated 'till last year." Chloe consoled her rival. Figures that the girl living in a hotel could understand Italian...

"What does that have to do with Marinette being a friend?" Adrien asked.

"She has a crush on you!" Lila shouted in his face.

"Good one! No, seriously, what-"

* * *

"What was that noise?" Marinette asked Alya.

"No idea, but was scary..." Alya replied. Then she saw what was coming to them, and started filming.

"Alya, what's happen-oh."

Volpina was back, dragging Adrien with her. Then she stopped before Marinette, and said two words: "Kiss him."

"What?"

"Kiss him! Somehow he missed your enormous crush on him! SOMEHOW! I can't stand it anymore! Oh, _e che cazzo_!"

Having seen Marinette was too busy blushing and being stunned to act, Volpina grabbed her too and locked them in the nearest locker room, before sitting down as she started studying the corridor for her eventual battle with Ladybug and Chat Noir.

* * *

"I _should_ recall the akuma just to have mercy on her... But why can't I do that?" Papillon asked himself.

* * *

Volpina was about to cast her illusions when she noticed Alya filming everything.

"Do you mind?" she asked.

"It's for the Ladyblog." the blogger replied casually. "I need to document the battle, and-"

"My power, as reported by your blog, is based on hyperrealistic but easily dispelled illusions. I'd be really glad if you just did not forewarn Ladybug and Chat Noir about my preparations."

Seeing that Alya was ignoring her, Volpina grabbed her phone and crushed it before going in the locker room to get a rope-and seeing the furiously blushing Marinette and Adrien hurriedly hiding something behind their backs. Not that she cared, not when Alya was protesting she had no right to keep her from documenting everything.

"Sorry about this, but the blogger is crazy and I don't want to kill her." she apologized before leaving with a rope, closing the locker room again.

Armed with the rope, Volpina tied Alya up, crushed her spare phone, and, desperate to have some silence, cast an illusion over the blogger's head-an illusion of silence.

"Funny, the geniality that comes out when you're desperate..." she commented. "Now, what was I about to cast again?"

A couple minutes of casting later, Volpina was ready. It was a dead-end corridor ending in the locker, and she had all the time she needed to prepare. Ladybug and Chat Noir had no chance against her this time.

Then the locker room's door suddenly opened, Volpina turned back at the noise, and Ladybug and Chat Noir got her necklace and destroyed it, freeing the akuma to purify.

Returned to normal, Lila blinked at the situation, then saw the hole in the locker room's floor, the _strange_ looks on the two superheroes' faces and that they had been blushing, and drew the obvious conclusion.

"Oh... Sorry, I didn't know... Leaving now." she said as she grabbed Alya and dragged her away just as Volpina's illusions dispelled.

"Hey, did you see-" the blogger started, but Lila interrupted her.

"Zip it. The Akumatization apparently distracted them from some alone time, and I'm not so indelicate to keep them busier than necessary. You shouldn't be either."

"But they came from the locker you put-"

"Chat Noir Cataclysmed their way in, didn't you see the hole? Oh, and later you fill me on what did I do as Volpina. If only one kept their memories of Akumatization..."

* * *

"I did WHAT?!" Lila asked Alya.

"You locked Marinette and Adrien in the locker room, and they _finally_ hooked up!" the blogger replied. "Thank you, thank you so much, Nino and I have been trying to get them together for months..."

* * *

"Twice in a single day?! And Chloe Burgeois wasn't even responsible." Papillon wondered. "Oh, well... Volpina, it's me again! For the third time you have the power of illusions, now you'll be able to claim the love you've been searching for so long!"

 _Notes_

This was inspired by how Adrien somehow missed Marinette's ginormous crush on him. Seriously, I understand Adrien is still learning about social interactions, but someone HAD to lose their temper at him...


End file.
